Monday, 14 July 2014

THE COCKROACH THAT ALMOST KILLED ME



Hello beautiful people. Did you know the best kind of people in this world are those that visit,read and comment on Moby’s blog?? Seriously! Google it…*winks*.. Anyway I have missed you and you have missed me too (if you didn’t then i go use police carry you *carries face*……it is by force to miss me YES).
Its another Monday that came at the right time. I’m off work for a while so I slept like my name is “sunmade” (let’s see who gets this joke).Today, I’m putting up a random post…….hence the reason for the post title. I’m sure the title alone is enough for you to want to hear the full gist so let’s get to it.

Please don’t laugh at my little confession **if you like laugh na your wahala *rolls eyes**but as this post’s title reads, I truly met with a cockroach that almost killed me. I am very conversant with the part of the bible that says the lord has given me the power to trample upon snakes and scorpion but mehn this one pass me o...that part should have specifically included cockroaches… It was that fateful day I realized that Jet-li’s stunts are real and applicable in real life situations…I became an instant ninja. Here’s how it happened;

 Some days ago, I was getting ready for work and as usual, the 1st thing was to brush and then have my bath. As I approached the bathroom, I saw this cockroach hanging around somewhere but I just ignored it...not knowing it was the demon, cyborg cockroach from Hades. Now for those living outside Nigeria, I’m sure you are already ‘eww-ing’ that I saw a cockroach in my house and just ignored….Well,here in my dear Naija, cockroaches and rats are your tenants and you are the landlord...and that’s when you are lucky because depending on the area you stay, reverse might be the case *that is na you go be tenant and the rats and roaches go be landlord and you must do as they say, else na your documents and foodstuffs go hear am*… So me as the landlord (lucky me), I ignored this fella and had my bath. By the time I was coming out, it was just chilling for me right outside the bathroom. There’s something I didn’t tell you about Moby…. I can’t stand the sight or feel of any creepy thing. I don’t even like killing them. I’ve had people judge me and call me a pretender because I didn’t want to kill a cockroach (na dem sabi LOL)
So here I was facing my one of my ‘worstest’ and greatest enemy that had only one intention in mind…. KILL MOBY OR DIE. It was either I killed this evil minion from hell or I got killed. Being the nice woman that I am, I took off my bathroom slippers and threw at the cockroach just to scare it away but the foolish thing just dodged it and was looking at me eyeball to eyeball… **I am not lying o**. I took off the other leg and threw it and the bloody underling dodged it again. Now, I had no other ammunition and it knew….the damn cockroach knew because just after I used my last shot,I noticed it adjusting and guess what I saw next? WINGS!!!!. It was the flying type of cockroach. The next thing I knew, it was ascending in height towards me(I was sure I saw a pair of horns and fangs). I had only one option at this point…get to safety or die trying. 

The woman inside of me screamed RUN FOR YOUR LIFE….. As I took the first step towards survival, I didn’t notice how much water had poured on the floor while I was bathing…..so as you would guess… Humpty dumpty fell to the floor with a loud thud. But Ninja sensei Moby didn’t even have enough time to feel the pain… All I knew was I had to get away from the killer cockroach so I stood up almost as fast as I fell and ran.

 Very unfortunately (for me *rolls eyes) I ran into my neighbor who had come to ask for something and I didn’t even realize I stood up from the floor without my towel. NO WAY. The boy that has been scoping me for ages just saw me naked for free and reduced my bride price. At that point, I thought to myself… Run back to the killer cockroach? or just take the longest walk of shame ever to my room? I’m sure you know the one I picked…(I nor fit die for cockroach hand).  Now my neighbor sees me on the road and gives a sheepish smile..(looong hisss…)… all because of the cockroach that almost killed me….
I hope you enjoyed this story at the expense of my embarrassment. It’s a true story and it happened to me but I believe I’m not the only one that detests these flying creatures..Please who hates cockroaches as much as I do?...just High-five…don’t leave me hanging…. I really want to know who belongs to my group……..

**winks**

20 comments :

  1. Hi five jare...I hate cockroaches chai...the hate d flying ones even more! Pele dear...I hope you didn't sustain any injuries from d fall?

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    1. Thanks Rume. I know you got my back anytime. No major injury sha. Thanks

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  2. Lmaooo... I wl av loved to c dat drama unfold....lolz

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    1. Taaaaa.... You've seen a preview before na but the main drama was not nice at all

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  3. So the neighbour saw it free of charge like that awww. Hope he covered his face sha. Hehehehw LA boo just av to fight that naughty neighbour o. Lolzz

    I hate creeping things too

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    1. Nooooooo.... I can't deal mehn. Cover oghini? He did not o. He was just looking....

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  4. I hate cockroaches o. I can't stand them at all. The ones I hate are the ones that when you kill them, they bring out this nasty fluid YUCK....I can't deal. Moby thank God you didn't die from the killer mosquito. I can only imagine the look on your face when you saw the wings. Pele dear

    ~moby's biggest fan ~

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  5. Ewo o...le boo's property has been seen o by ara ile. I can't stand rats...roaches I can still deal with but rats helllll NOO. Who has that brother Kola's talking tom. Brother Kola, moo ti je certificate yin o....hahahahaha. Crazy shit

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    1. You just had to make me see it that way Bukky... I hope le boo doesn't see it your way sha. I've heard that bro kola's joke. Very funny useless rat..lol

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  6. Lwkmd, ase o tie le *in jenifa' voice*
    *whispers* I hate them too

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  7. Lool,this is so funny. As in eh,some cockroaches just have no manners. Horrible,disgusting things!
    www.ironyoflhurve.blogspot.com

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    1. The ones in my house are extremely proud.... Very annoying things

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  8. Lol...Oh dear...Tibs and bugs or anything faster than I am don't mix at alll.....

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  9. Moby Moby d roach "fearer" just use dat mallam perfume, all d roach will die of suffocation ......

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  10. High 5 jareee cant stand dem tooo......does cocroaches can b so scary ehen....
    *oluwabibs

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  11. Hehehehe you must have made his day oh, what a priceless sight to behold. Lmao. This was just tooooo funny.

    hey I like it here, still wondering how come i haven't been here long before. Oh well, today starts the journey. Hehehe can i be your next neighbour? **winks...

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  12. This blog has turned me into a follower. I’m very impressed by your work and I’m adding you to my list of favorites.
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