Tuesday, 9 September 2014

I NEARLY KILLED A MAN


Greetings  Mobylizers.....Wassap? y’all good??....you berra be cos I don’t do “not good”...(smh for me.....coming from the queen of mood swings...LOL).

So I was blog stalking on Sunday evening...I usually discover new blogs over the weekend cos that’s when I have time to roam the Internet..*grin*... while blog surfing, I noticed Obi of Yours Truly was talking about Farting and mouth odour and immediately I remembered this gist I have been keeping in my gist archive. Before the gist.......To anyone and everyone just visiting this blog for the first time *picks up my Mic, goes to the roof top and shouts* YOU ARE WELCOME TO OUR BLOG....yaaaay! My name is Moby and you are .....??? *winks*. I think I am a very confused blogger especially as I don't have a blog-lendar (blog calendar*wink*) which I know I should have but then Moby can just be dramatic like that... So I usually give the first timers a big ebola-free kiss so here it is... chop kiss abeg *mwaaaaah*.

Back to the gist......I've been going to the gym of late (precisely since last Monday)...yes I'm trying to be very very fit and healthy... Truthfully I'm trying to lose weight...I don dey too fat jor and so the gist is surrounded around that information.

My gym instructor's name is Craigee...trust me you don't want to hear me pronounce his name..I can be really razz sometimes. Boo is always saying 'Moby, it’s pronounced Craygee not Creji'. Craygee or Creji,....lol *covers face*.... he sha still answers when I call him *shikena*.
Boo has this belief that when your stomach muscles start getting tighter and firmer, you would most likely pass out gas more often. I don't know how true that is o but I really messed up big time on one of my gym days. Craigee is a very sharp instructor...I mean he makes everything look so easy... That guy can jump down from a 10 storey building and still make it look like a walk in the park.. I want to be like him when I grow up o... So here I was doing everything Craigee was telling me to do...squarts, sit up, pass the ball and some I can't even name like that. I was doing all these and I was already feeling like I wanted to pass out...but Craigee kept saying 'nothing good comes easy'...'You want to look like Kim Kardashian...then work harder'....So I started pushing myself even harder and at a point I couldn't feel anything anymore. My body was numb then Craigee decided to tell me to do this one where I get to sleep on the mat, raise my leg and keep swinging to and fro...something like this
And he was standing by my leg.s... then it happened........There was a shift.....like a landslide or an avalanche.... It came out innocently...like phewwwwwwwww....Oh Lawd haf Mercy... You know there's a theory that the silent ones are deadlier....and the more silent it is, the more dangerous the effect is.. It smelled horrific, like I'd just eaten a bunch of eggs. It smelled bad... So I looked up to see if Craigee had perceived the aroma of the food I had just cooked in my ass and all he did was...
He had the 'as you fine reach na so you fit kill pesin' look..LOL..Poor boy. And i was like...
I swear if it was someone beside me that released that kinda thing, I would have cursed the person’s generation. My gym instructor had to suffer that nose burning stench. ...*covers face with both hands*.

So why am I typing this post? I just want to say a big Sorry to Craigee. I will purposely show him this post when next we see so that he can know how sorry I am and so he would still agree to be my instructor. He didn't show up yesterday.. I'm guessing I 'messed' up bad. I'm soweeeee.. Please come back.

Now I want to hear your moment(s) of horror....I know everyone has released toxic fumes at very wrong times. Don’t be shy....spill....**big grin**

Cheers! 

15 comments :

  1. Mess mess girl as you fine reach!!! Nice one
    I don't know what fart is o... Some tiny, sweet smelling things just come out of my bum

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha..Esther if I hear. LOL. Your fart smells like chocolate ryt?

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  2. Moby moby clown of life....ur instructor don run away frm u lol
    *oluwabibs

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    Replies
    1. Nooooooo..he didn't run away. He just took a short break...hehehe

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  3. From the title of the post, moby had me. And the Gif's made me roll over. Am sure he will come back, and if he doesn't borrow tibs bazooka and go millitant on him.

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  4. Replies
    1. You are the only one that can call me a clown and make it sound so cute.. I'm blushing.

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  5. Moby! Moby!! Moby!!! How many times did I call u? You don use mess chase your instructor abi? LMAO! Mr. Craigee abeg come back o. She will not do it again. Nike.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha. Nike o...its not my fault aswear. It just happened. Mr. Craigee is back sha *yipeeee*

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  6. Moby your own is not bad o. Mine happened in church.it was brutalllll. People were leving church because of my gas.My own was an alien fart.its not of this world.

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  7. I just had to comment on this one. For me,it was a very beautiful evening,went to see a friend,and her handsome cousin was home,a guy I've had a crush on since forever. Then we got talking,myself and the cousin,and he said something funny (can't remember if it was funny or I just laughed cos I liked him),and in the laughing process,that's when it came,loud,like "PUMMMMM" Lord have mercy!!! I don't even wanna remember the look on the guy's face. BTW,hiiiiiiii Moby!!! I LOVE YOUR BLOG,and I only just discovered it. My name's Genevieve

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  8. Hmmm mess u say? I've not heard of it before. I don't think I've done that before oh...sounds alien. Mr Craigee please come back oh, she promises not to make a mess again.
    http://divadiari.blogspot.com/

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  9. Seriously giggling, you guys won't kill me with laugh biko and this Viive's comment hahahahahah.

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Your comments are like jollof rice to my stomach... the more you leave a comment, the happier I get. Thanks for stopping by...I love you like kilode *mwwaahhh*