Monday, 1 September 2014

LAST FIRST KISS



Hello Leboos and Lebabes of this blog. Like play like play it’s the beginning of another month o...wow. It feels like I slept on the 1st of August and I just woke up today and it’s the 1st of September already. Hmmmnnn... I wish everybody a very beautiful week ahead. It’s still not late to achieve all your goals o...just start NOW. Take a step NOW. Take your butt off that chair and do something now. Happy new month to you. May September bring us joy, happiness, good success, love and good health. AMEN

So I have one gist for you guys today *turns to boo.... I'm sorry but I just have to say this...I know you'll understand... mwaaaah*
Have you ever had a guy kiss you and you shuddered??... but not in a good way? That's what happened to me a few years ago and I still can't forget it. Why am I talking about this? A friend was gisting me about one kain disease she got kissing a guy...she called it STREP THROAT...and then in my mind I'm thinking 'how come' but then I immediately remembered my worst kiss ever... Hahahaha *covers face*. It seems to be permanently etched in my memory. Hmnnnn... that validates the psychology  that the human brain recalls more negative moments than positive ones... I guess *SHRUGS*.
Being a today's woman, of course I love kissing *WINK....I mean who doesn't?*. I've had my own fair share of kissing but nothing prepared me for what this guy did. Maybe I had just been lucky up to that point. It was such a disappointment because the stage was perfectly set. He was handsome, intelligent, successful, and had great mouth and lips. You know those perfectly shaped tiny lips that look really soft... what more could you want? NOTHING!
After absolutely connecting on the first date, I was thinking there were definite possibilities here. We went on a few dates and he pecks me when he drops me off... Note: PECK... A perfect gentleman. We were taking it slowly....nothing to do with the 90-day rule. But after the 'suck-me-dry' kiss, all ideas of a future together were dashed. I will try as much as possible to describe the whole thing well without exaggerating and I'll let you be the judge. 
 So, this was our first night-time date and we decided to see a late night movie. Great atmosphere, great movie, good conversations in between, pop corn tasted normal (I remember that well) and there was my fav drink, my bottle of coke. After the movie, we were walking to the car when he stopped and faced me. I thought to myself... here comes the kiss, the one that will take our relationship to a new level... the romantic, sensual, sexy kiss that will melt my heart and thrill me to the core.. I already planned how I would do my lips, do my tongue, twist my jaw...you know all those things we ladies think about...?... yes I thought about it...but I was wrong. If only I knew what was coming next...it was sooo unexpected.. No, no, let me put it this way... I never in a million years would have imagined what he did next.
 He looked into my eyes and leaned down towards me. As I raised my face to him and offered up my lips, eyes partially...nope... eyes fully closed, He sucked my lips into his mouth... like a vacuum cleaner. I tried to pull away but I ended up with a lip-ful of saliva... slimy saliva. His mouth was moist and his tongue dripping with saliva. Yeeeeee... I shuddered, pulled back, tried not to retch  but I couldn't help it mehn. I was disgusted. 
I was a coward and didn't say anything but I think I was in shock. Obviously there was no more kissing him that night or any other night. I called him the next day and said I'd like us to be friends because I really did like him but just didn't see us in a relationship. The way the love level dropped from 100 to 0...mehn. 
 So I'm going to do this with you guys. Guys look and learn. Ladies, learn too. Not only guys have a problem,  I've heard of dirty lady kisses...so here's what I think
  • You would definately know when the kiss would take place, 50 percent of the time sha. Make sure you do not eat anything that would make your mouth smell... Like sugar, beans, meat, etc. Just hold chewing gum or minty sweet or something that would help with bad mouth odour.
  • Do NOT start with the tongue. Some people will just stick their tongue into your throat claiming that's how its done... Read my lips, that is false... It is not sexy at all. Keep your tongue to yourself until it gets hot... like really hot *winks*
  • Also, Keep your saliva to yourself. That is very disgusting. Don't get carried away in the process. Just don't let so much of saliva leave your mouth.
  • Stop making annoying fake moans... All those mmnnnn hmnnnn ahhhhh,I hate it and I'm sure most people don't like it especially when we can tell its fake. 
That's all my head can think of now.... I'll like to know everyone's best worst kiss experience and what you would have done differently or tell the other person to do differently.
And yea... I promise to show you my friend's wedding makeover later this week. I'm expecting the pictures from her. Also I'll be doing a 'when 2 becomes 1' series soon. I hope I have the strength to.
Thanks guys for always viewing this blog. I truly (from the bottomest part of my heart gan gan ni o) appreciate it... I'm sure you don't understand the kind of butterflies that jump in my stomach when I see that people are really checking this blog. You really can't imagine. Thank you so much and have a lovely week ahead. Moby loves you like Kilon pop mehn *covers face*
Cheers...

30 comments :

  1. Hey moby...can I just say I love you...lol! Just discovered ur blog like a week now, been trying to catch up on reading old posts...this post really got me laughing....cheers!!

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    1. I love you too Wems. Thank you so much. You are welcome *mwaaahhh*

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  2. Hehehe.....this post got me laughing....I remember my first kiss....**sigh** I needed to dial 911....that guy swallowed my lips and almost chewed on them.....the way that bloodclat grabbed my head.....I thought he wanted to put a rope round my neck.....I mean...this guy thought he was giving me a passionate kiss.....that bloody guy was bout mutilating me!!!!.....I mean...he was smiling so hard when he was done....I mean in my head...if it was possible....I would have reported him to the cops on grounds of 'attempted murder of my future kissing expenditures'.......

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    1. Hahahaha... Why do these guys smile after a very horrible kissing experience. These guys aint loyal... Sorry dear

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  3. Moby this is funny. Have you herd of the 'lick it like a lollipop' kiss.The guy will just be licking your lips instead of kissing you.I've suffered in the hands of lick it kissers.

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    1. Bukky ewo tu ni lick like a lollipop... Mehn you got me laughing out loud. Sorry dear

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  4. Tibs jes killed me wt dat..... lmfao.....I really hate d tongue thingy too ewwwww....Lol nice one Moby....cnt stop laughing

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  5. I just remembered my worst kiss. It was a real 'last first kiss'. The human being practically forced me and the kiss was sloppy and slimy. I am grateful i didn't get any disease from him then. After that day na to say bye bye....

    http://journalofapetitediva.blogspot.com

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    1. Ewwww...luck you o.I can only imagine how the saliva was all over your mouth...eyama.

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  6. Thanks for finally writing about > "LAST FIRST KISS" < Loved it!

    Here is my weblog ... illuminatural
    6i reviews

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  7. My best kiss experience. Hmmmmmm!!! Let me think. All my ex were good kissers. First we start we something like a peck. Then deeper peck, the the lip stuff and then tongue stuff but not exchanging of spit. I love kissing. Even if we aren't doing anything. Thats the time I use to check a guys blokos (projectile) so that I wouldn't be disappointed on my wedding night,hehehehehehe!! *winks at Tibs. Ladies if u don't want to have sex with a guy when u guys are kissing inspect his blokos before u meet tiny juniour and start crying. If it doesn't stand when he is kissing u, he is either gay or have erectile issue. U know gay guys want to marry sngle ladies to cover up.

    Well my most mischievous kiss ever was when I bit a guys tongue. Ladies never u try this. I wasn't into the guy. I was depressingly single so I needed some trips mehn. I wanted to flirt. I flirt a lot (without sex oo) cus its fun but I find out that I lure the guys in the wrong direction and they would think I am into them and playing hard to get. Ok, I told him I will never date him. I didn't love him. Atleast I was honest. But the guy didn't listen. On one nite he took me to a show I had fun. I didn't drink but was drunk with fun. Then we were going to his car. Then he held my waist closed his eyes. My eyes where open. In my mind I was saying "what the hell is going on". When he pulled me closer brought out his tongue I bit it. Hehehehehe!! I am wicked oo. God 4give me. Then he was saying, "babe y did u do that?" I said, "I told u I am not into you, y the kissing?". He never tried it again.
    Till now he wants to date me even if he know I am with someone else. Still calling my "babe" and "sweery".
    The end

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    1. Miss bng, I just love you..your comments drive me nuts.. Hahahahaha

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    2. heheheheheheheeh Ms BNG for president! hehehehehehe lmao! You ehn, aswear I am in lof with thee already. :) :) :):

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  8. Hahahahhahahahahahhahahha. My worst kiss was sometime in 2012 - I had to stop immediately because of the unpleasant odour emanating from his mouth!

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  9. hahahaha u had me cracking the hell up lol, I had one kiss once that terrified me i felt like his teeth and tongue were in world war 1 battle trying to conquer me ogini, it like sme guys havet gotte the memo that kissing is not fight o, so that is why i dont date men with sharp eleyin wansha eeth (overbite) any more. once bitten twice shy. kissing should not lead to plastic surgery. if your teeths looks sharper than a shark i cant be your girlfriend lol

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  10. Wow!! Hahaha am so in love with this post! I don't think i have had an awkward kiss tho....thinking......

    Oh ok! .....just remembered something. Was when one horrible guy i didn't like forced me to kiss him. Yea he just swallowed my lips and i felt like crying. No excess saliva or anything but i just didn't like it.

    Nice tips on how to kiss better

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  11. Haaaahaaahaaa cant stop laughing
    *Oluwabibs

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  12. Last first kiss... well it wasn't my official first kiss for which I'm glad else I'd have signed off the kissing scene... I can still remember his tongue in my mouth mining gold, searching for what he didn't keep there o... I'm sure if his tongue could reach my throat he'd have gone there too... I tried to push him off and he mistook it for passion so he held me tighter and increased the vigour so I just stood there praying I wouldn't choke to death... after he finished he was really beaming like he had done d best job, then he asked, "how was it baby?" I was livid ehn.... I still see him around and the first picture of him in my head is his tongue in my mouth "Eeewwwwwwww ".... Nice post dear

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  13. rotfl very hilarious post.Out of curiosity, are you getting good kisses now madam moby? *runsaway*

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    1. Hahahaha. My oga at the top may not find it funny if I answer but when he gives me the go ahead, I'll pass the message. Dasall.

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    2. Haa ha ha, your indirectly saying bros sef no sabi lolz I guess so he's snakelike.I think its a male thing

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    3. hehehehe **Wears straight face @pweety lala I beg to differ oh! Bubba, some of us are bad like that oh! Test us not. :)

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  14. Lwkmd I guess am not patient enough sha. Before I kiss you I kinda give you lollipop to lick and see how sloppy you are.

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  15. What tha fuck!~ hhaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha lmao! Moby of life! Dayummmm This is hilarious.. @All you gehs using us to shine on Blogsville diarisgoddooooo :)

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    1. Hahahaha. Make una no vex. Na true we dey try talk. E no easy na. Hahahaha *covers face*

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  16. Sister you speak te truth. The type of kiss that would almost bring yoour food back out. Almost cos no need to waste that food on that kinda sloppy saliva swapper
    http://divadiari.blogspot.com/?m=1

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  17. I freaking love your site.... woah started mine recently and Am still learning..... I represent PAKO GIRL

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  18. LOL!!! There is nothing worse than kissing a guy who practically begins to lick ur face and chin. One time I actually kissed this fine sexy black dude and he had a mouth odour.. God I cant forget it! INYAMMA!

    Do drop by my blog ma'am I did tag you in a post

    www.tresjoliebyizzy.wordpress.com

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Your comments are like jollof rice to my stomach... the more you leave a comment, the happier I get. Thanks for stopping by...I love you like kilode *mwwaahhh*