As much as I would love to sing shoki right now or sing a Christmas song, my mood is just dead at the moment. I read a post about depression sometime ago on Susanne's blog and it felt like she was talking about me. I promised not to dump this blog at any point and that's why I'm putting up this post. So today I am going to be putting up my own issue as Dear Moby and I would need mobylizers to help me. Please I don't need anyone to judge me...just help me.
I have a huge problem.... Never thought it would be an issue but obviously it is. Since I was a teenager, I always told myself that I can never love anyone cos men are unreliable...and these men didn't help either. They kept toying with my emotions and so it made my feelings about men get worse. All the men I've ever dated have loved me and I just kept that feeling in my head that men are unreliable and so I never relied on any man. When I'm in a relationship, I'm always one leg in and one leg out. So when the bad happens, it was always easy to move on. I met a guy last year and I started the relationship with my old mentality 'all men are the same' but this guy was different. He gave me every reason to believe that he was different. I have tried all the skills in the book to make this guy mess up and prove to me that he is like every other guy but he didn't fall...he kept passing all my test. Now my problem is putting all my legs in this relationship. I can't seem to do that....and so I feel stuck. I feel like I owe this guy everything. He is the nicest guy I've ever met...He is everything I want in a guy but I'm finding it hard to put all my eggs in this basket. I'm going through a huge depression state. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't feel like doing anything and I don't feel like blogging anymore. I just want to give up everything, go some place far where no one knows me and just start again. I need help. I don't know who to talk to and so I thought to bring it here.
That's my story. I'm sorry if this post is stupid and you feel its unnecessary to put it up. I typed this post twice and kept deleting cos I wasn't sure I wanted to share but I remembered a problem shared is half solved.
P.S: I won't be blogging as usual. I think I might take a trip somewhere and no one would be able to reach me. I'll be back to blogging as soon ad I can. Remember I said I will never dump this blog for anything.
Thank you so much for your time. Merry Christmas in advance everyone.